Valentine's Day

Do I hate love? No.

Do I think I receive it often? Not in the ways I desire.

Life is not always as it seems. The picture perfect family has the same problems of the vocal/visible dysfunctional family. I do not enjoy valentine's day. This will be the 23rd one that I have spent by myself. It's not the fact that I don't have that special someone to show me love as much as I want someone to GIVE love to.

I'm really longing for that person to give love in so many ways to. It's one of those things that you don't question the Lord about...but you wonder.

You wonder if the Lord's forgotten, you wonder if you're not ready or if he's not ready.

You wonder if it's meant to be at all.

You wonder if you missed your time.

You wonder if thinking about it makes your priorities of life off.

You wonder if it's even worth wondering about.

The Lord has a plan and a purpose. We are taught through scripture to be content where we are ("For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." -Phil. 4:11).

I wonder what the Lord has for my life, yet at the same time I'm not worried about it. Each day brings it's own challenges, struggles, and joys. To lose sight of the little things and focus on the seemingly BIG thing that is yet to happen is meaningless.

I feel lost in the middle of life right now. I haven't written in a while because the thoughts that go through my mind are the same reel that gets on a loop and repeats itself.

Why ask why? Because it makes you feel better. Asking why doesn't bring answers but it gets it out there in the open. It's the communication aspect of being open and saying what's on your mind even if WHY is the only question on your mind.

This blog has been all over the place but it all comes back to one constant in my life, the Lord. He is faithful whether I am moving forwards or standing still and as long as I'm not moving backwards I'm okay.

> left behind, Realist

P.S.

Why I hate valentine's day...because every day should be as special as valentine's day.