...And the saddest part of it all...

I've been betrayed.

On Wednesday my life came to a crashing halt. Once again reality set in as things in my life have forever changed.
Since then I haven't eaten one decent meal...because I'm no longer hungry.
My jaw won't stop hurting, and my head echoes that pain.
I have not gone one night without my face getting wet.
I can't seem to sleep when it's time to sleep.

My true friends were revealed, yet the liars still hide.
It is always said that "people have said" yet no one ever names those people. They are cowards. Every last one of them. To tell me after it's too late that there are serious issues that needed to be dealt with...what's the point.
I was put on the chopping block and kissed goodbye.

I have forever lost friends. I don't even know why I called them that to begin with because time and again they have sold me out. I have gone to them in confidence and they have thrown my words back in my face.

Then there are those who in their eyes are still my "friends". But when it comes to the tough questions I ask they refuse to answer. They dodge it by changing the subject, or generalizing the statement, or questioning why I want to know.

I don't know why I put up with those people...oh wait...I remember...because I use them for what I can get out of them.

It is next to impossible to find the full package of friendship. So when people come into my life and relationships have begun I use discernment with how much I trust them, and how much I expect out of them. Each person I have in mind I could tell you specifically how much I trust them, and how I expect nothing...out of any of them that I deem my "friends".

What has been removed from my life I no longer want to be a part of. Although I cannot stop thinking about it. Not a day has passed that I haven't spent more than an hour trying to figure out where I went wrong.

How do you call someone your friend when they are not willing to pull you aside and discuss a failure they see in you, but they only say it through the love of Christ.

GET REAL!

Oh wait...no one has with me...either they are all lying...or I will be forever blind and my questions will forever fall on deaf ears.

I. don't. understand.

I keep telling myself that, but talking to myself will never get answers. It wasn't worth fighting over when fifteen minutes after the decision was made everyone knew. Once again I wasn't told that a public alert was going to be made.

But I still asked, and I still tried to remain humble and I still got the same answer...nothing.

I have checked myself, and rechecked, and my questions still seem to fall on deaf ears. From those I care to know the truth most the only answer I get from them is "I don't know". How can you not know? Are you playing the fool or do you know and just won't say? Did you see this coming but you don't love me enough to tell me? Do you not pay attention to your surroundings or do you think you are just to nice and sweet that you couldn't dare get real with anyone...not even when they ask you point blankly.

I hate people like that. Now don't go telling me hate is a strong word...like heck I don't already know that. So shut your freakin' pie hole.

If you don't have the guts to get real with me I beg you to get out of my life because I don't need butt kissers, I need a friend. I don't need someone to hold me when I'm down, I need someone to push me when I'm up.

I don't need your fake nonsense. If you knew there was a problem why in heaven did you wait until you deemed it too late to let me know this was a serious issue? You're not a friend and I REGRET ever calling you one. The one thing I don't regret is kicking your "friendship" to the curb...forever.

Forever is a long time...and I'm prepared for that.

I barely know how to walk straight as I feel I have to keep looking over my shoulder to see who's judging me but won't let me know how I'm doing. You jerks.

I am forever betrayed...once again...by those I had trusted the most.

...and the saddest part of it all is that this isn't the first time I've been betrayed...


I'm the REAList...so GET REAL or GET LOST!