Dear My Former Friend,
Wow, what an unexpected turn of events, yet expected at the same time. I realized that things were slowly deteriorating between us I just didn't know how bad it was until you said "I think this relationship needs to end."
Personally it's the most selfish thing I've ever heard someone say to me and actually mean. I'm not sure as to what you were thinking but of course my response was "as you wish".
I knew something was up. I knew something was wrong. I knew things were changing. I knew you weren't talking. I realized you were quiet...I just never realized it was bad enough to where you found things not even worthy of working through with me.
As you part and go your separate way I wish you well. I hope you learn from this mistake and move past it. I hope you FACE your fear instead of waiting for it to smack you in the forehead. I hope you learn to speak your problem with someone instead of waiting for things to spiral out of control. I hope you learn to stop hiding your resentment and instead speak of it. I hope you decide that people are worth actually dealing with instead of cutting them off from you.
I don't understand your move. It's not the first time you've made this move but each time you ended up alone.
...do you like it there?
You know that someday you spoke of...when that someday comes it'll be me who has sought you out to set the record straight. I personally think you will forever be afraid of me. I think you'll never be able to talk to me like an adult. I think you'll never be able to go to another level with me besides hello.
SOMEDAY I'm going to have the guts to punch you and it's going to sting but it'll feel really good. Someday you'll learn enough from this to actually SEEK ME OUT and TALK to me about all that was on your mind the night you said goodbye.
See you said that one phrase and didn't bother to explain yourself...because you're afraid. I can't believe I was this blind to your fear this entire time. Every week we talked and not once did I notice. How stupid of me to not be aware that I'm sharing my heart and it's falling on deaf ears that are afraid to give an opinion. Someday you'll realize that Matthew 18 does not say if things aren't going your way end the friendship. You have to actually BRING A PROBLEM to the surface...and then work through it.
My guess though is that you didn't want to work through it. You'd rather keep yourself safe, keep your feelings all tucked away, and keep your heart far away from reality.
I hope your new best friend can fill all the holes that I apparently created. I hope your new best friend you find worth keeping to where if you have a problem you won't just drop them like you did me.
What's astounding to me is that it didn't hurt me. You saying goodbye has yet to hurt and it probably won't. Guess that means you weren't really worth it. You weren't for the long season. You were meant to dupe me into believing that someone could last in my life forever...yeah right. I guess I'm forever stuck with myself.
You know it's a good thing my King cares about me like you never have. It's a good thing my King, although He's yours too, loves me a heck of a lot more than you ever did. It's a good thing my King thinks my problems don't have to be huge to matter. It's a good thing my King likes hearing about the mindless things in my day.
...turns out you hated it.
You're blacklisted and those who have been on that side KNOW how stupid it was of them to get there no matter who caused the problem. Those on the blacklist rarely get another chance. Care to be a rarity? Well, you don't get that chance. To cut someone off without explanation means you are a coward and most likely didn't have a good enough reason to make the call but you made it anyways.
Someday...HA...someday will never come if you have anything to do with it.
P.S.
I copied and saved the note you so kindly wrote me. I've already read it 20 times. Good thing to know you were too coward to say it to my face.
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