Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Magnet
Chaos in the midst of confusion filled with frustration and deep beyond that hurt.
I attract the worst when I am at my best.
I struggle through what seems like forever and then as soon as I've made it to the end there again I find myself in the middle of something new.
Peace in the midst of the storm...where? Will I always have to look for peace because a new storm always hits after one finishes?
When will it end? When will the magnet release itself so I can live in freedom?
God, You say I get nothing I cannot handle, but I'm tired, I'm exhausted, and once again I'm creating memories that aren't worth remembering.
2 Corinthians 4:9; 16-18
9 "We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed."
16 "That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day."
17 "For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!"
18 "So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."
When will it end? Well I know the answer to that...never....boy that's encouraging.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
"Keep us from just singing...move us into action"
So a lot is going on this summer. Some of it is frustrating, some of it is discouraging, but in the midst of it all I still see God my Comfort.
The theme this summer has really caused me to look deep into my heart and be attentive of the words I sing, speak, or hear. It has caused me to think twice about the line of that song I just sang, or the prayer I just prayed. Pastor Chip is doing a 40 days of prayer email thing for Youth Week and VBS and he said something in today's email that really stuck out to me so I want to share it with you.
"If I fail to pray with my heart, to really meet with Him, I believe He knows there is loss that day that can’t be replaced and He knows there is a loneliness that I will experience that can’t be removed."
WOW. If I fail to pray with my...heart. How many times do I personally find myself lifting up a "hail mary" prayer of desperation instead of a calm heartfelt moment of "Lord I need You". What's the difference you ask? Well, one is a "Lord I know You're there, and You care about me so help me out this one time and I'll be there for You the next time." The other is a "Lord I love you and I KNOW You are my provider and in my moment of weakness I admit once again that I NEED You."
I love the Lord with all my heart. I am far from perfect as devotions are still the hardest thing for me to get into a routine doing. I rely on the Father, because He loves me, because He's jealous for me.
I've been listening to endless amounts of praise and worship this summer (not like that's different from usual) but it's been more praise and worship over just Christian rock/rap. The songs have come out differently in me as I have paused to take in the words and I have been changed because of it.
"How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan
"Sweet, Sweet Sound" by Sarah Reeves
"Clinging To The Cross" by Tim Hughes
"Everything" by Lifehouse
"Closer To Love" by Mat Kearney
I'm planning the worship sets for the summer retreat that happens not this weekend but next weekend. Any song suggestions? Think old school worship songs that you wouldn't need a projector for, but ones that speak to your heart every time you hear that song.
> the growing, tested Realist
P.S.
I tend to be afraid of people in authority over me, or those who are watching me often. It is something I'm working through, but it always seems to be a factor during these internships...Well the Lord has provided me with a verse to help me combat this fear.
Proverbs 29:25- "Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety."
Thank you Lord! You fill my heart.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
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