Uncertainty brings stress. Stress -> Pain -> Misery -> Lack of sleep which in turn feeds the Uncertainty. It's a vicious cycle.

Lost

I feel so lost at this moment in time...I could just cry...scratch that, already am.

I have no idea what happens next with me. I know my selfish desire is to stay here in Kingsport with amazing friends and a church that is moving in the right direction. I just have no clue what the Lord wants me to do. I feel hopeless at the moment. I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a field and there is NO direction whatsoever on which way is the best way to leave the field. PLUS I LOVE THE FIELD...as stupid as that sounds. I like where I am.

Kingsport kids go back to school August 2nd. Any PE teaching job that opens closes by the time I get the application filled out. PLUS it is supposed to take 6-8 weeks before I get my VA teaching license. THEN I have to get it transferred to a TN license. It's so frustrating yet more of just disheartening. I don't know what I'm doing but I feel like the more I search the more hopeless things seem.

Yet if I don't search I feel I am not doing my part and being responsible to look for a job. Plus to even begin searching for a full time Worship position or full time Youth position is TWICE as hard to find as teaching.

Even if I don't find a teaching job, or ministry job, I HAVE to find a full time job of some sort...and it cannot be minimum wage. I did not go to school for 5 years to come out with a degree and then get paid minimum wage.

Lord I need You now. I cannot say more than ever because I am not dying. But I admit that I do not have the answers and I admit that even though I am in the middle of nowhere the light has not gone out. I can still see in front of me even though I do not know which way to turn. Lord speak to me in the midst of my great fear. Lead me in Your direction even if it is not what seems right to me. Above all else You reign.

49 Character Qualities by Bill Gothard

I love Bill Gothard. I was introduced to him when I was young and my parents took me to one of his conferences. His thought process is one that cannot be messed with when it comes to living out Scripture in your life. Here's his take below on character.

CHARACTER QUALITIES

The Greek word for character is charakter. It is translated in Scripture as the “express image.” According to The Complete Word Study Dictionary New Testament, the word “originally denoted an engraver or engraving tool. Later it meant the impression itself, ususally something engraven, cut in, or stamped, a character, letter, mark, [or] sign. This impression with its particular features was considered as the exact representation of the object whose image it bore.” In Hebrews 1:3, Christ is referred to as the “express image” of God; He fully expressed the character of God through His life.

One of God’s primary goals for believers is to transform them into the image of His Son so that they may be a reflection of the character of Christ. We can take comfort in this purpose when we experience difficulties because “We know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Operational Definitions of 49 Character Qualities

Alertness vs. Unawareness

Being aware of that which is taking place around me so I can have the right response to it (Mark 14:38)

Attentiveness vs. Unconcern

Showing the worth of a person by giving undivided attention to his words and emotions (Hebrews 2:1)

Availability vs. Self-centeredness

Making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the wishes of those I am serving (Philippians 2:20-21)

Boldness vs. Fearfulness

Confidence that what I have to say or do is true and right and just in the sight of God (Acts 4:29)

Cautiousness vs. Rashness

Knowing how important right timing is in accomplishing right actions (Proverbs 19:2)

Compassion vs. Indifference

Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others (1 John 3:17)

Contentment vs. Covetousness

Realizing that God has provided everything I need for my present happiness (1 Timothy 6:8)

Creativity vs. Underachievement

Approaching a need, a task, an idea from a new perspective (Romans 12:2)

Decisiveness vs. Double-mindedness

The ability to finalize difficult decisions based on the will and ways of God (James 1:5)

Deference vs. Rudeness

Limiting my freedom in order not offend the tastes of those whom God has called me to serve (Romans 14:21)

Dependability vs. Inconsistency

Fulfilling what I consented to do even if it means unexpected sacrifice (Psalm 15:4)

Determination vs. Faintheartedness

Purposing to accomplish God’s goals in God’s time regardless of the opposition (2 Timothy 4:7-8)

Diligence vs. Slothfulness

Visualizing each task as a special assignment from the Lord and using all my energies to accomplish it (Colossians 3:23)

Discernment vs. Judgment

The God-given ability to understand why things happen (1 Samuel 16:7)

Discretion vs. Simplemindedness

The ability to avoid words, actions, and attitudes which could result in undesirable consequences (Proverbs 22:3)

Endurance vs. Giving up

The inward strength to withstand stress to accomplish God’s best (Galatians 6:9)

Enthusiasm vs. Apathy

Expressing with my soul the joy of my spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:16,19)

Faith vs. Presumption

Visualizing what God intends to do in a given situation and acting in harmony with it (Hebrews 11:1)

Flexibility vs. Resistance

Not setting my affections on ideas or plans which could be changed by God or others (Colossians 3:2)

Forgiveness vs. Rejection

Clearing the record of those who have wronged me and allowing God to love them through me (Ephesians 4:32)

Generosity vs. Stinginess

Realizing that all I have belongs to God and using it for His purposes (2 Corinthians 9:6)

Gentleness vs. Harshness

Showing personal care and concern in meeting the need of others (1 Thessalonians 2:7)

Gratefulness vs. Unthankfulness

Making known to God and others in what ways they have benefited my life (1 Corinthians 4:7)

Hospitality vs. Loneliness

Cheerfully sharing food, shelter, and spiritual refreshment with those whom God brings into my life (Hebrews 13:2)

Humility vs. Pride

Recognizing that it is actually God and others who are responsible for the achievements in my life (James 4:6)

Initiative vs. Unresponsiveness

Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I am asked to do it (Romans 12:21)

Joyfulness vs. Self-pity

The spontaneous enthusiasm of my spirit when my soul is in fellowship with the Lord (Psalm 16:11)

Justice vs. Fairness

Personal responsibility to God’s unchanging laws (Micah 6:8)

Love vs. Selfishness

Giving to others’ basic needs without having as my motive personal reward (1 Corinthians 13:3)

Loyalty vs. Unfaithfulness

Using difficult times to demonstrate my commitment to God and to those whom He has called me to serve (John 15:13)

Meekness vs. Anger

Yielding my personal rights and expectations to God (Psalm 62:5)

Obedience vs. Willfulness

Freedom to be creative under the protection of divinely appointed authority (2 Corinthians 10:5)

Orderliness vs. Disorganization

Preparing myself and my surroundings so I will achieve the greatest efficiency (1 Corinthians 14:40)

Patience vs. Restlessness

Accepting a difficult situation from God without giving Him a deadline to remove it (Romans 5:3-4)

Persuasiveness vs. Contentiousness

Guiding vital truths around another’s mental roadblocks (2 Timothy 2:24)

Punctuality vs. Tardiness

Showing high esteem for other people and their time (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Resourcefulness vs. Wastefulness

Wise use of that which others would normally overlook or discard (Luke 16:10)

Responsibility vs. Unreliability

Knowing and doing what both God and others are expecting from me (Romans 14:12)

Reverence vs. Disrespect

Awareness of how God is working through the people and events in my life to produce the character of Christ in me (Proverbs 23:17-18)

Security vs. Anxiety

Structuring my life around that which is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away (John 6:27)

Self-Control vs. Self-indulgence

Instant obedience to the initial promptings of God’s Spirit (Galatians 5:24-25)

Sensitivity vs. Callousness

Exercising my senses so I can perceive the true spirit and emotions of those around me (Romans 12:15)

Sincerity vs. Hypocrisy

Eagerness to do what is right with transparent motives (2 Peter 1:22)

Thoroughness vs. Incompleteness

Knowing what factors will diminish the effectiveness of my work or words if neglected (Proverbs 18:15)

Thriftiness vs. Extravagance

Not letting myself or others spend that which is not necessary (Luke 16:11)

Tolerance vs. Prejudice

Acceptance of others as unique expressions of specific character qualities in varying degrees of maturity (Philippians 2:2)

Truthfulness vs. Deception

Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts (Ephesians 4:25)

Virtue vs. Impurity

The moral excellence and purity of spirit that radiate from my life as I obey God’s Word (2 Peter 1:3)

Wisdom vs. Natural Inclinations

Seeing and responding to life’s situations from God’s frame of reference (Proverbs 9:10)

Yesterday I helped fix a leak in the hot tub, today I helped fix a leak in the garbage disposal, & tomorrow I get to help build a deck! Great experiences!!

Leadership involves flexibility & the willingness to grow.

Tennessee is the place to be!

So this is short, but I'm going to update you all (meaning all none of you that read this) tonight after I get a shower...

The short version: I'm in Tennessee, I'm at a church working as the worship leader, working with the youth, leading the youth worship/starting a youth band, and planning/coordinating youth events for the summer. Sounds like a lot but it's a ton of fun! More details to follow :)