That's God for ya

So I've had my keyboard set up in my room since...well 3 days ago. I had it open in it's case for like the past week. I had the case available to open since I moved back to Lynchburg. I was bitter so I set everything up and plugged everything in but didn't play it. I just looked at it as I sat on my bed on my computer I could see it and I would just sadly wonder what could have been. Yesterday I turned it on and played it and I was amazed at how much joy it brought me. I think I'm finally starting to see my gift and not realize a weakness every time I touch a key. Confidence is growing. I find it interesting that the confidence didn't come from a stage but from my bedroom. That's God for ya.

Family dinner. That's God for ya. Full of great laughter and high intensity conversations and yelling at the dogs to not chase the cat while re-telling the Office and discussing theories about undercover boss and talking about TIRES on vehicles (more like trucks and trailers). Oh and since I mentioned trailer that would bring up the argument of what color to paint it. :) That's God.

Looking around and feeling like life has passed you by and then realizing you're not the only one wondering if this is how life after graduation was supposed to turn out...that's God. Realizing you now have more time than ever to just enjoy the Lord because of no job...well makes me feel like the bad best friend, but that's God.

Getting stood up by friends repeatedly but knowing my Savior is still there. That's God for ya.

He finds the things I would never admit but certainly believe were more important than Him and says "Hey, I'm better." OR He finds those things I have no confidence over and am totally insecure about and says "I made you better than this."

That's God for ya.

> the light went on, Realist

"Imagine sitting down to watch your absolutely favorite television show and just as it's about to begin a nuclear explosion wipes out all of civilization as we know it--that's how annoying my sister could be."

-Andrew Klavan from the book "The Long Way Home"

Oh sweet island where art thou?

I would just like to say that moving to an island where I could build sand castles, play in the ocean, sit around a fire at night and look at the stars would be perfect. Just me and Jesus. I could read the Bible and write poems, stories, and songs to the Lord with no worries. No job needed, no money necessary, and no option for a boy so no boy would be wanted.

What's the point though, of reading the Word if you don't put it into practice? My question to that is how can you put that into practice if you never leave the house because you have no job, and no one follows up with hang out requests so you sit in front of the tv and computer all day interacting with no one?

...just a question. Not a concern I am a-okay with just reading the Word. It just leaves me trying to understand what's the point of me having no money and no job and no consistency among friends. What's the point of being back in Lynchburg. Is it really possible that God isn't going to move in my life til I get a job?

"Nothing is forever." Really? Well to me forever is more than a month. So if I find a job I hate and have to work there for more than a month than it's forever. So I'm sorry if that statement frustrates me because your forever and my forever are two different forevers.

On another note I am left clueless at how through situations it can be revealed to those wearing horse blinders that the Lord is moving in a more powerful way than ever before and it seems as if it took people leaving for it to happen. When the true center of deception is the one speaking in the ear of the one wearing the blinders. Therefore the deceiver is never seen just heard and listened to with no questions asked. Where is God in that? Or better WHY is God still moving in the midst of THAT? ...I wonder.

I have become SO BORED that even television is boring to me and I already watch more than anyone I've ever met. Yet "friends" are too busy to hang out, and other friends say I've never asked when I could bring up the text message or facebook wall post if proof was actually necessary...but who does that?? Seriously, I am not lonely just bored! I have no right-in-front-of-my-face purpose!! I definitely DON'T wake up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy and I DO wanna be a billionaire I'm just not gonna step on toes to get there. Heck, I wouldn't even know where to start to become one.

Definitely still lost just in a different state, different city, same time zone. I KNOW there must be more I just haven't found it. And for anyone that doubts that I've actually looked for jobs, screw you. You have no idea...just pull up my browsing history.

Do I have confidence this state of my life is not forever, heck yes. Do I have confidence I will move to another state once I find a job...nope. Do I know what it's going to take for me to feel like I've actually made a lasting difference in somebody's life LONGTERM, no...but then again who EVER knows?

My forever dreams:
- Sing in a rock band and tour the country
- Find a church to call home for more than a couple months
- Be a worship leader in that home church
- Husband...duh.
- Find that feeling. The feeling where when I breathe out I know that's where I'm supposed to be with Christ and He has encouraged me that I am actually leaving a fingerprint on this world for HIM...not me.

> island girl, Realist