This past first week of school has been interesting. Sort of a negative attitude on my part. Not real happy to be back at work but it helps pay for stuff so I am required to be thankful for that. :)
It's hard walking around campus seeing all these happy couples, or just happy people happy to see friends. As I've gotten older and especially since I am no longer on the ministry team I've lost many acquaintances/friends. I don't even have a close circle anymore as many have graduated and others have just drifted away. It leaves me wondering what the heck I'm doing here.
It also leaves me wondering if my wishes are just that or if it is a desire God has placed within in me for my life...complicated it is. How do we know if it's our selfish want or our Godly need?
Doing devotions is the hardest thing for me to get into a routine doing. I "know" in a sense so much of the Bible that at times it is hard to take what I am reading and apply it today. ALL of the Bible is SO good and the thoughts are SO good it's amazing to read, hard to put down, yet it never feels like enough. As much as I want this routine I would rather a fresh way to know Christ deeper. It's hard to get past the verses already underlined or highlighted. It's hard to hear God speaking to me directly where I am today when I read, but He NEVER ceases to amaze me.
Today I made the choice to read a letter from the book "His Princess" by Sheri Rose Shepherd. God will never cease to show me that He's listening to my heart when I tell Him things just aren't alright in this moment of my life. Here's what I read in today's letter:
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My Princess...GROW WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED.
I know sometimes you wonder if your life has any real worth. But I assure you that I can use you to impact those around you. Just as I used Paul in prison I will use you wherever you are or whatever circumstance you are in. Let me water you with My holy Word, and you will begin to bloom wherever you are planted. Come to Me in prayer and let Me empower you with My spirit. Even if you can't see the harvest of your hard work now, I promise that others will one day look back at the time you were in their lives and remember your acts of kindness, words of wisdom, and love for them. So for now, My valuable princess, let Me help you blossom in a world that is searching for the meaning of life.
Love,
Your King and Gardener of Life
Romans 8:28- "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."
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WOW! I talked to a friend Sat. night and my cousin last night about my heart and how it feels and the Lord was waiting to reassure me the whole time!
This shows that prayer is not enough on it's own. There are different ways we can know the Lord on a deeper level but doing just one all the time will only partially help you. I cannot just pray, I must pray BELIEVING it will happen as well as reading the Word to grasp the understanding, and talk to other believers who can help me grow by giving insight from a different point of view.
Lord you never cease to encourage me when I am down. You always find a way to show me You are there and You care deeply about me when it seems I'm walking alone. Thank you for the answer You have provided. May I seek to follow You and search after You instead of searching for my answer. I love You, Christ, with everything that is within me. I pray believing and I speak believing that You have a plan for me and I am on that path. In Jesus' name amen.
> the realigned Realist
