I can't get over how much my life has changed over the past 5 years. High school I maintained a personality and character. When I stepped into college on the first day I changed. I became somebody new. Three years later I was a totally different person. Tack on two more years and you get me currently. Once again totally different. It's one of the few times in my life I can see the change. Pieces of me who are ultimately me are still there. They'll never change. But the smoke screen has changed, and changed, and then changed again. Still a smoke screen but not near as thick.
I like the changing. I hate being alone. That's always been my problem and it's always been an issue. As I've changed I've lost people. I'll continue to lose people that's inevitable. I'm okay with it now.
I'm currently listening to Glee's mashup of Singing in the Rain/Umbrella. It is awesome and I have it on repeat. I LOVE singing in the rain and pop music so it makes me smile really big and I've been told I've got a pretty smile :)
I will sing in the rain, because it's His rain. He wants it, it happens so for me to fight it and not be okay with it means I'm fighting God and how dare I do that. Press on. I struggle with forward motion because I can't stand not seeing what's ahead. Lately I can't see what's going to happen when I wake up except I struggle to get out of bed. I'd rather roll over and ignore that the sun is shining. Doesn't change the fact the sun is there.
My bills keep getting bigger. I continue to day dream through tv shows of what I only DREAM I could be doing. I think it's what gets me through and allows me to sometimes get dressed. I enjoy dancing in an empty house...it's a guilty pleasure. I'm not half bad ;) Oh you wish you could see, hehe.
Just like the first line of the song "You have my heart" and the last line in singing in the rain "a life full of You" baby that's all that matters.
> daydreaming Realist
