Misunderstood

It doesn't matter what I do the results are still the same. I soften my tone, I watch what I say, I'm careful how I respond, and I try to smile a lot...and I still screw things up.

Anytime I try to put a little bit of me in there the result is less than desired. And I always find out about it months later after I've become comfortable where I'm at. Once I've found a few who I trust and can have fun with the rest is unimportant...until it all blows up.

I just don't understand why the perception of me being cold and closed off is still completely evident after years of changing my ways. Will it ever end? Will the outcome ever be different?

What the hell is wrong with just wanting to be friendly and not wanting to share deep, dark secrets??? Is that such a crime? For goodness sake, if you want to get to know me do and if not whatever but must you spend time trying to figure me out WITHOUT TALKING TO ME?

Sorry but that's not the way things work. I'm misunderstood daily and thank GOD I've come to terms with that and it doesn't penetrate like it used to. That's not a problem, the constantly getting hurt was the problem. Being misunderstood takes trial and error and right now I'm in the error category. Tried for 3 months. Failed...realized today just how far I failed. Failure is okay and that doesn't bother me it's how to deal with it and why I always have to go fix "problems" I didn't create. Those that ASSumed or took their first impression of me and sized me up according to that are the ones who need to either shut their mouth or talk to me.

Are there no guts left in the world that can handle holding a conversation with an intimidating person. A person who has worked and worked and worked and worked (andthatsthewholereasontheyneverplaysports) at not being so intimidating.

Heck this summer I had less authority than I've had in years and I still screwed things up. I wasn't even in charge and could just hang out and I screwed that up. Great.

SO that leaves me currently re-assessing where I'm at and if at Thanksgiving I just need to get the heck out of somewhere I'm obviously not wanted minus my skills and abilities.

> frustrated Realist